|
Light
and Hope in All Situations: Creating a Sanctuary
for Positive Change after Divorce and Life with an Alcoholic
By
Dr. Dale Atkins
Foreword by Kathleen Daelemans
Know
that you can achieve the health you deserve and have the
body you want no matter how difficult or challenging or
painful your life is at any given point. Know it, hang
on to it and let it be the light you gravitate towards
in your darkest hours. The path to good health will change
as you as you change, as your body changes, as you age,
as you mature, as you blossom. There will be uphill climbs,
slippery slopes and avalanches to navigate through. But
there will be easy days and effortless days too.
Never ever give up hope and never ever hesitate to ask
for help. You deserve help and you will need help. Help
is a tool, a gift, a resource, a godsend and it's
yours to access when you need it most. Reach out, reach
up, be open, be committed, be brave, be humble, be calm,
be strong. And believe. You can achieve absolutely
everything you set your mind to.
Dr. Atkins dedicates her time to this site because she
believes we can all realize our dreams and create positive
change no matter how challenging our life circumstances
may be. She is committed to providing us with insight,
support and realistic tools. I hope you won't hesitate
to reach out to her whenever you wish and especially when
you feel helpless and hopeless. Recently she received
this heart wrenching letter from a very courageous woman;
a woman who is ready for change. Not quite clear on how
to start, Julia reached out to Dr. Atkins.
Dear Dr. Dale,
Two years ago I went through a terrible divorce and gained
45 lbs. I was tipping the scales at 200 lbs. Since that
time I have been able to get down to 160-165 lbs. I watch
what I eat by keeping a daily and I do workout daily. I
am totally discouraged because for the last 8 months it
seems as if I have made no progress. During an average day
I drink 2.5 liters of water because I live in a tropical
climate.
I live with an alcoholic man and try as I may I cannot get
rid of him. I have been battling depression for some time
now. At least I am not eating just to be doing something.
I have managed to handle that. I can't seem to get
the rest of the weight off and there are periods during
the day where I just want to sit and cry. Please help.
Julia
Julia
Dear Julia,
Indeed you are having a difficult time. It is not unusual
for someone to gain or lose a lot of weight after a divorce.
Remember, regardless of who initiated the split, your life
changed dramatically and you may have gained the weight
as a way to comfort yourself (or to protect yourself from
other men) or any number of reasons. I believe the fact
that you are living with someone who has no control over
his life makes it harder for you.
You said you live with an alcoholic who "try as you
might you cannot get rid of him." What does that mean,
exactly? I don't know the laws where you live, but
if you really wanted to get him out of your life because
you realized how detrimental his presence in your life is,
you could gather the strength, fortitude and courage to
do it. Surely it is not easy but it can be done. You will
need to have support for your decision.
You may need to have a major heart to heart talk with your
friend and convey in a very focused discussion without getting
off your mark that you will no longer live with someone
who is unable to take responsibility for his life. You can
do this if you put your mind to it Julia. You already took
off all that weight and you're logging your food and
exercising daily. Clearly you are a woman who can stick
to a position. If you care for this person, you can say
that if he takes care of the alcoholism and commits to giving
up drinking and getting his arms around his life, only then
would you consider having him step back into your
life. But until then, you are not prepared to do it because
you deserve to have a life that supports your strengths
and desires and hopes and dreams.
You may decide to move to another place or change the locks
on the place you have in order to endorse your commitment.
Once you have said what you need to say, you need to end
the discussion and leave. You can pack up the things of
the man you live with to make it easier for him to take
his stuff and go. You need to have a sanctuary after you
work all day. Making changes like the ones you are talking
about can only happen in a setting of acceptance.
You are selling yourself short if you are living with someone
whom you plainly say you cannot get rid of. What you need
is a place of calm and peace and tranquility and not a place
where you feel depressed or ineffective. You said you are
battling depression. What does that mean, exactly? Have
you been diagnosed with clinical depression? Have you seen
a doctor in the past for this? Have you been treated? Are
you taking medication for this condition?
You have a lot in your life for sure and making change will
occur one step at a time. Eight months of no progress can
be very discouraging. It may be that you may need to increase
your workout or decrease your calorie intake somewhat differently
now that you are at this plateau. Keeping a log is very
important and if you look over the last months you may find
there are some shifts that need to happen so you can reach
your next goal.
Likely the weight will come off when you are quite ready
to release whatever it is that is holding you to this person
and to the place of discomfort you are living in right now.
Change, as you know, comes from within. It takes time. Your
body is just part of who you are. Your soul and your heart
have to heal along with your body as it takes the shape
you want.
I wish you well.
Sincerely,
Dale
Atkins
dratkins@kathleendaelemans.com
Dr. Dale Atkins' latest book, I'm
OK, You're My Parents: How to Overcome Guilt, Let Go of
Anger, and Create a Relationship That Works,
draws on twenty-five years of experience as a relationship
expert to present a comprehensive guide to repairing difficult
relationships, gaining control, and building a life that
you and your parents can live with for years to come.
Click
here for more info on I'm OK, You're My Parents
(Requires the free Acrobat
Reader; click the button below to download the Reader)
Other
books by Dr. Dale Atkins:
Sisters
From
the Heart: Men and Women Write Their Private Thoughts About
Their Married Lives
|
