5 Star Caregiver gets 5 Star Treatment
Foreword by Kathleen Daelemans

I've had the privilege of being a secondary and primary caregiver for five people I hope to meet up with again in heaven. I didn't ask for help the first time around. I worked two jobs. I'd come home between them and take care of my friend. I'd rush home from work and prepare meals, do our laundry, take him to appointments and just visit with him until it was time to sleep.

He lectured me non-stop about my weight and general state of ill health. "Get your hair done before you come home or I'm changing the locks" was one of his favorite threats. "If you get any bigger you're going to need a new bed." He knew me well enough to say these things. And I needed to hear them. I didn't take his advice. And we both suffered for it. I convinced myself I didn't have time, I didn't have the money and he was first.

I know from repeating my mistakes for a few years that I do deserve to take care of myself while taking care of others. I'm a better caregiver when I've gotten as much rest as possible, when I look in the mirror and don't look like the box only came with enough dye to do half my head and when I'm not stuffed full of salty, greasy fast food that robs me of energy and self esteem. I deserve the quality of care I'm giving. And the person I'm caring for deserves the very best of me.

I know what it's like to take care of terminally ill people you love inside out. I've been through it. If you're a caregiver and you're struggling, I implore you to step back and reassess things as though your life depended on it. Because it does. There are free resources available to you and they are yours for the taking. Be greedy. You deserve it. —kd.

Essential Happiness Boost
Support groups help caregivers manage stress better than counseling
By Heather Lee for Prevention

Caring for an aging family member and dealing with rising health costs top the list of worries for the 80% of women ages 35 to 54 who consider themselves less than "very happy," found a recent survey of 1,100 females. But there's good news: If you're a caregiver, reaching out for help can actually boost your mental health and happiness. According to recent studies from New York University and the University of Pittsburgh, caregivers who attend support groups and receive individual and family counseling relieve some of the stress that comes with assisting a relative, including reducing their risk of depression. Often, they're even able to delay putting their loved ones in nursing homes by a year and a half—saving them a whopping $90,000.

For tips on finding a support group in your area, go to www.thefamilycaregiver.org. And check out www.carepages.com to create a password-protected Web page that loved ones can visit to keep abreast of the patient's condition. Saving yourself from having to call everyone and give individual updates will free up time and take some pressure off.